This past Sunday (Easter), Chris's brother Stephen passed away. Since this is a blog about the boys, I won't even attempt to go into how that has affected anyone else, which is fine because it's near impossible to articulate that anyway. On the drive out here, Chris and I did our best to explain to the kids that Stephen was sick and tell them what they could expect from living in the house with him. We were worried they'd be nervous about it. But they are some pretty easy-going kids and it turned out to be a non issue for them. In the first few days, there were some curious questions about Stephen and his care, but other than that it didn't affect their lives in any way.
When Stephen went into the hospital, we again did our best to explain what was happening mostly because it meant Grandma Sue and Auntie Andrea weren't around the house like usual. And then a few days later, we had to explain to them that Stephen wasn't going to come home and everyone around the house was going to be sad for a little while and the best things they could do were give lots of hugs and say nice things to people. The boys were sitting on Declan's bed playing Nintendo at the moment, and they sat there listening while we explained what we could. They each got these really sad, heartbreaking looks on their faces - Logan looked down at his lap solemnly and Declan pushed out his bottom lip. And about 30 seconds later it was over and they were on to thinking about the Mario race game.
We told them what to expect at the wake and the funeral, and gave them the choice of going or staying home with me, and they chose to go. At the wake they hung out in the back for a while and slowly worked their way up to viewing Stephen. Logan was shy about it and wouldn't ever walk up to him - he'd just walk by and glance at the casket surreptitiously. Declan, however, kept walking up and standing next to people, and he'd look at Stephen a minute. When Chris was there with Stephen, Declan looked up and grinned hugely at him, completely unphased by all that was going on as usual. The funeral itself was long and boring for them, but the best part was the police escort to the cemetery. The boys watched intently while the cops held up the traffic for the procession and they squealed with excitement each time one of them zoomed past us to get ahead to the next intersection. They were completely impressed by the motorcycles.
Ed, like a good father, has been asking how the boys are handling it emotionally, and all I can tell him is that they're doing fine. They're both too young to really understand the gravity of the situation. They know it's sad and they know the basics of what's going on, but it's not affecting their moods or lives. I think the best way to describe it is they're sad for us, but they themselves aren't sad.
Chris's family has told us a few times how nice it's been to have them around, even in such a difficult time. No one can dwell too long in the sadness of a moment because it gets broken by a loud laugh down the hall or one of them zooming into the kitchen asking for a treat or Declan yelling from the bathroom for someone to wipe his butt, please. Meals need to be made, bodies need to be dressed, hands and faces need to be washed, and through all the things that go into caring for the boys, a sense of normal is brought back into the home.
